I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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