thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
