Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
