I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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