I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
