Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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