"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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