Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
