That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
