Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
