Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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