Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
