I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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