a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
