Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize