I could have mohawked her pubes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
