Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
