Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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