She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
