I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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