so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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