sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
