Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
