I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
