its not stalking. its research.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
