i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
