So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
