very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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