just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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