So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
