Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
