I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
