Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
