the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
