ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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