I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
