I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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