It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
