I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
