I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
