I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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