I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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