Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
