Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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