Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
