I am puke
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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