walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
