Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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