Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
