She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
