So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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