Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
