I hate all girls vehemently.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
