Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
