My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
