omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
