I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
