The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
