i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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