Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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