Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
