He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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