just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
