I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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