So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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