He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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