Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
