I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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