Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
