Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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