I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
