God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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