in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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