do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
