Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
