At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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